You likely grew up in a home where you were expected to listen to your mom and dad. Now that they’re older and need help, you’re frustrated. They won’t listen to you. Whether they shouldn’t be driving per their eye doctor’s advice or they struggle with cleaning and maintenance, you know when it’s time for caregivers.
No matter how much you try to reason with them, they refuse to budge. They don’t want help. They don’t want you suggesting they need home care services. What do you do?
Ask That They Do a Trial Run
Ask your parents to do it to ease your mind, your children’s mind, or someone else that your parents respect. Instead of making it sound like a permanent arrangement, ask them to do a month’s trial. Say if they find they don’t need the caregiver’s help after the month is up, you’ll cancel the arrangement.
You may find that as your parents acclimate to having help with housework, meals, transportation, and laundry, they grow to enjoy it. They grow to like having the companionship a caregiver provides. When the month is up, they want to keep the arrangement they’ve become accustomed to.
Give Examples of the Importance
Go over the importance of care. If your mom hit the gas pedal instead of the brakes and hit her garage door, ask her to imagine if it had been a grandchild or one of her favorite businesses. Ask her if she’d really be comfortable being responsible. She may see that the frustration of having someone drive her around is easier to manage than being responsible for hurting someone.
Be Ready to Jump In
If you see your parents in a risky situation, be ready to take action. They may not like you for it, but their safety is of the utmost importance. If your dad has high blood pressure and kidney disease and keeps ordering high-fat, high-sodium Chinese takeout rather than have to cook a meal, you’re going to need to step in and push the need for meal preparation services.
Parents can be just as stubborn as any adult. If they’re refusing your help, that’s okay. Don’t get angry as that will worsen the situation. Aim for the trial and involve the help of friends and family if it’s needed. Sit down as a family and talk about caregivers. They may feel better if a professional caregiver is helping them rather than having their adult children assisting. Call a home care agency to discuss caregivers.